The Road to Hell Part 2

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

If you are just tuning in, you should read Part 1 "The Bitch is Back" first.

So, steroid cream in tow I head home, slather myself, and go about my business. This is a Friday. I should tell you that I had had a little sore throat/tickle that was making me cough for a couple of days. Nothing that couldn't be taken care of with advil. BUT. Sometime Saturday night somebody came over and hit me in the face with a brick cause Sunday, full on sinus infection complete with a cough that hit about twice a minute from all the damn nasal drip.

The day the shit hit the fan

No sleep, and with a head that was falling off, I go to the doctor Monday and he prescribes me an antibiotic. I get it filled. I take one and as I always do I read the side effects. I made a huge mistake here. I GOOGLE a couple of the big words I don't understand. and OMG this shit can cause 2 blood diseases that can be fatal. and something called Steven Johnson Syndrome (resist the urge to look this up, trust me) This shit is going to kill me.

Now, I dont know how much you know about people that have severe anxiety and or panic attacks but lets see if I can explain what this is like.

Off of the medicine I seemed to be doing ok, but in actuality it looks more like that. Hanging on by a thread and it only takes a couple of things to bust that last intact line.
So, my line in effect snapped and I was thrown full force back into being anxious and literally thinking I was going to die. The problem with anxiety is it literally causes physical symptoms, so not only is your brain messing with you, but so is your body.

I didn't want to be alone. I was anxious all day and night and throw the actual attacks in there and let me just tell u that I was a crazy person. I couldn't cook/clean house/fix my hair/get online, nothing. The only thing that made it better was a bottle of wine and ativan. (healthy!)

I made it a couple of days on the antibiotic and I had to go back to the doctor. It was just too much. My mom went with me, and after they took my bp etc (which was way high..those physical symptoms) I sat and cried and told my doctor what happened. and that this antibiotic was going to kill me and OMG ya'll it was a MESS. He ordered me back on my zoloft after a lengthy discussion about health of me and pregnancy etc. He also told me that I could stop the antibiotic, which I did the next day.

The Recovery

I started back on the Zoloft the next day. Not being new to the drug, I knew I had a small journey ahead of me before I started feeling better. Zoloft affects everybody differently but for some people, me included, it makes them more anxious before it levels them out and starts to help. ::see me hitting my head against the wall:: For me it also causes severe headaches for about a week. Which of course makes the anxiety convince you that you have a brain tumer or an anyerism, cause anxiety is your friend like that.

About 12-14 days after starting back I started to feel better. The adjustment was small, just a little better everyday. Lately, I feel almost completely myself. Which is a wonderful feeling. I lost time in those few weeks. I can't get those days back. I neglected my friends, myself, my home, my IF boards, my blog.

Through out this time my mom, bless her, came everyday and took me to lunch and stayed so that I wouldn't have to be home alone until the hubbs got home. She lives 25 minutes away and completely rearranged her schedule to take care of me until the "crazies" went away. She really means everything to me. I couldn't have gotten through this without her.

And I am now under strict rules to not look up any medical shit on the internet.


Anonymous said...

awwww. poor thing. I can totally understand!!!! I kinda have been going through a smiliar thing- except I am a freaking nurse and KNOW all the crazy shit that can happen to me!! LOL! Christmas is always a hard season for me for some reason- mentally it is brutal. I need to get some ativan for it. Every year I think "it will be different this time" LOL

I am glad to see you back on here. Depression and anxiety are NO JOKE!

NaVe said...

I can totally 100% identify with these 2 posts. Anxiety has been ruling my life for a while. I tried Zoloft back when I was a teen and unfortunately, as with most drugs like it, my body coudn't tollerate it - I shook uncontrollably for 2 days before they took me back off it.
I am glad to hear it's getting better for you!

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