I Can't Wait!

Two more days until DH and I get to sit in an office and talk to the urologist about cutting open my husbands balls. This is not something that either one of us is looking forward to, but I probably didn't need to tell you that did I? Luckily I have an amazing husband and he is willing to do whatever it takes for us to have a baby even if it means taking what the doctors say is only a "pea sized" amount of tissue out of both of his testicles. As if the fact that they aren't taking half the testicle but only a small amount is supposed to make my husband feel any better.

The point of this lovely procedure is to see if there is sperm being made and just not making its way out. The hope is that they are able to see sperm in the testicles and we will be able to just extract them with a needle "TESE" (which also sounds like boat loads of fun) when we do our IVF.

If there is no sperm seen then our only way of making a baby is going to be with donor sperm.
Don't they all just seem like great solutions/outcomes?

So as I drink my wine tonight I think I shall toast: "To finding sperm" and a big fat "FUIF"

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Devastation

written August 5, 2009

That is what I felt when I got DH's SA results today. We both knew it would be bad. But catastrophic I just wasn't prepared for. I don't think there has been much that competes with seeing those zeros all the way down the page and feeling your dreams fill up your eyes and pour out onto your face as your hope for getting pregnant is washed away with your tears. Those 3 words "no sperm seen" cut like a knife into our hope for a family. All that came out of my mouth was "Fuck, Fuck, FUCK" as I tried to pull myself together enough that I could go back to work, red faced, resembling and feeling something like a punching bag. After making it through the rest of the workday I did the only thing that makes me feel better. I crawled into bed with a giant glass of wine and a book and waited for DH to come home.

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Letter to my Unconceived Baby

written July 24, 2009

Today marks the official day that we start trying to figure out why we can't conceive you on our own. I wish that it would be easy on us and that we could make you out of nothing but our love but it doesn't seem to be the path we are to take. Your father and I have decided to take it all the way, whatever it takes to get you here. Your father is an amazing man. I cant wait to see his face when he sees you for the first time. We know it could be a long and painful journey, but it will all be worth it to look into your eyes and be able to hold you one day. I think about you often and wonder what you will be like, who you will take after. I sometimes stick my belly out and imagine that you are in there already. You can not imagine how much you will be loved. I cant wait to meet you.
Love,
Mom

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tab testing

Testing for tabs

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