Devastation

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

written August 5, 2009

That is what I felt when I got DH's SA results today. We both knew it would be bad. But catastrophic I just wasn't prepared for. I don't think there has been much that competes with seeing those zeros all the way down the page and feeling your dreams fill up your eyes and pour out onto your face as your hope for getting pregnant is washed away with your tears. Those 3 words "no sperm seen" cut like a knife into our hope for a family. All that came out of my mouth was "Fuck, Fuck, FUCK" as I tried to pull myself together enough that I could go back to work, red faced, resembling and feeling something like a punching bag. After making it through the rest of the workday I did the only thing that makes me feel better. I crawled into bed with a giant glass of wine and a book and waited for DH to come home.

3 comments:

Michelle said...

I've been there. It sucks. I'm proud of you for pulling it back together to work the rest of the day, I completely lost it and drove home sobbing and hyperventilating. I wish I had more strength in that department.
I found your blog through the Stirrup Queen blogroll. My DH has Azoo and me PCOS.
Wishing you the best of luck on this horrible journey.

Les said...

Wow. I find your blog the day after my husband and I received the same SA results. We're also in our 20s, have been married for 5 years, and had no idea this baby-making business could be so difficult. Hoping we both get our miracle soon!

mybumpyjourney said...

{HUGS} Isn't everything better with a big glass of wine?

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